Not everyone is going to love you.
That’s just life.
That is also a-ok.
As I was watching the Democratic debate this past weekend, the moderator asked all the candidates if “corporate America would love them”. Two of the candidates answered “No”. Hillary Clinton, though, answered “everyone should”.
I cringed when I heard this.
This is an attitude that says “It’s more important for everyone to like me than it is to be myself”.
You don’t want everyone to love you.
You just don’t.
You don’t want to lose the core of yourself by contorting to fit into everyone else’s boxes, tossing your principles aside because if you keep them you won’t fit, or censoring parts of your personality because they might not be appreciated by everyone.
I read something recently that really struck a nerve:
If your principles change depending on your circumstances, you don’t have principles, you have hobbies.
Reading that was like a punch to the gut.
It was a reminder of how I used to live.
For as long as I can remember, I was raised to ‘be the bigger person’.
It’s a phrase that I’ve learned to hate.
To me, being the ‘bigger person’, was code for ‘avoid conflict at all cost’.
It was sacrificing my own standards for the sake of those who wouldn’t or couldn’t make the effort to meet them.
In short, it means that you have to go out of your way to make sure everyone loves you.
In the end, we all want to be loved. In fact, that’s one of the most powerful needs we have as humans, to be loved. It is a need so powerful that it can drive us to completely irrational behavior. It can cause us to completely give up on ourselves, to settle for less than what we truly deserve, and, worst of all, leave us filled with regret and resentment.
The trick is to be ok with the simple fact that not everyone is going to love you. It’s not a reflection on who you are. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It simple means that you aren’t some folks’ cup of tea.
That. Is. OK.
If you have people who don’t love, or even like you, then odds are you’ve stood up for something in your life. You’ve raised your standards and demanded that people who want to be in your life rise to meet them.
You have principles… not hobbies.
You’re not afraid of conflict for the right reasons.
It means you’re you…and you love who you are.
That, too, is more than OK.