Integrity: The Less You Use It, The More You Have

Integrity: The Less You Use It, The More You Have

Integrity is defined as: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. the state of being whole and undivided Society today has an integrity deficit. Instead of trading in truths, bullshit and lies are the currency of the times. It doesn't matter if it's in relationships, in the workplace, or on the teevee. There is a serious deficit of people who have integrity and are congruent. Nowhere is this more visible than in the political realm. Just today I caught the tail end of an interview with Dr. Gina Loudon. Her brand is built on honesty, truth, and being a psychological, political, and social commentator. Now, according to her bio she's well educated. Yet in this interview 99% of what came out her mouth was bullshit and lies. Not little ones either. Big, flaming, disproved with 8 seconds on the Google lies. What does this say about her and her brand? What does this say about her expertise? Honestly, what it...
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The Titanic Poster On My Wall And Masculinity

The Titanic Poster On My Wall And Masculinity

When you think of a "manly" movie it's a pretty safe bet that Titanic doesn't make the top 50. It's universally thought of as a "chick flick" with almost no redeeming "manly" qualities about it. Yet when I think of it, I see it as not only a great love story, but Leonardo DiCaprio's Jack exemplifies a lot of what a man truly is. Titanic starts out with Jack taking hold of his future by winning a card game. The rest of the movie he seeks to prove he's more than his station in life. Yes, his life ends tragically by freezing to death in the ocean but for a few days he grabs the golden ring. Oh..and while, yes, there was room on the door for both, odds are the wood wasn't buoyant enough for the weight of two people. I love that movie. In fact, I still own the two cassette VHS version. At one point I even had the framed movie poster hanging...
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The Alpha Male Must Die Before It Kills You

The Alpha Male Must Die Before It Kills You

The Alpha Male as the ideal of what masculinity looks like in public needs to die. The days of Don Draper, Archie Bunker, and American Dad are over. In the last 40 years society has progressed so far, so fast, that men, in general, have moved into three camps: Hypermasculine, uber aggressive men Men who suppress their masculinity and embrace their femininity Men in the middle wondering "where the fuck do I fit in?" Hypermasculine alpha males currently dominate male culture. It's promoted in movies, television, advertising, and in many men's coaching programs available today. The dominant definition of what it means to 'be a man' is defined by phrases like: grow some balls don't be a sissy don't cry like a bitch don't be so damned sensitive In short, being a 'real man' means burying your feelings, reject your feminine side, and don't have any feelings besides aggression and domination. It's time to kill this representation of what it means to be a...
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Mrs. Landingham Doesn’t Want To Know You

Mrs. Landingham Doesn’t Want To Know You

There's a scene in the Two Cathedrals episode of the West Wing where we see the first interactions of Mrs. Landingham and a young Jed Bartlet. In the scene, they're discussing equal pay for women, a taboo topic for the time period, and she's challenging Jed to challenge his father. Over Jed's broken down car Mrs. Landingham says: Look at you. You're a boy king. You're a foot smarter than the smartest kids in the class. You're blessed with inspiration. You must know this by now, you must have sensed it. Look, if you think we're wrong, if you think Mr. Hopkins should honestly get paid more than Mrs. Chadwick, then I respect that. But if you think we're right, and you won't speak up 'cause you can't be bothered, then, God, Jed, I don't even want to know you. That scene says so much about the world today. It's easy to profess what you believe, particularly on social media, by sharing pictures, typing...
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HME 031: It’s Ok To Be Wrong

HME 031: It’s Ok To Be Wrong

Being Wrong Isn't A Bad Thing In this age of overwhelming ignorance, where people see opinions as being equal, being wrong is seen as something to be ashamed of. Not all opinions are equal and neither are all opinions valid. Sometimes, like the graphic says, you're just fucking wrong. Yet we live in a world where fewer and fewer people are able to admit it. Nobody knows all things, nor are they an expert in all things. Some of our best learning lessons come from our being horrendously wrong. Owning up to where we're wrong shows humility and a vulnerability that bridges divides. Only those who are invested in being right all the time would take offense. Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying "I destroy my enemies by making them into friends". This saying isn't just about being friendly with those who hate you, but about being able to admit you held an incorrect belief about them. We've all either gained or...
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HME 030: The $40K Screwjob

HME 030: The $40K Screwjob

A $40,000 Screwjob Yep. A screwjob. A little over 3 years ago I did the right thing and it ended up costing me, well my insurance company, $40,000. So, what do you do when doing the right thing ends up screwing you? Simple. You continue to do the right thing. There's a saying that can be applied here: [Tweet theme="tweet-box-normal-blue"]No good deed goes unpunished.  #FML  http://bit.ly/2gQNySM [/Tweet]   We've all faced this in our lives. Confronted with a situation where you either do the right thing or possibly get away with NOT doing the right thing, you choose to do the right thing. And you end up getting screwed. Oscar Wilde sure is a wise man and he sure knew what he was talking about. In the end, however, we all have to live with your choices and we all have to look at ourselves in the mirror every morning. The question is then, who do you want to see? Do you want to see someone who does the right thing even when...
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HME 029: It’s All About Perspective

HME 029: It’s All About Perspective

Your Perspective Creates Your Reality From an outsider's perspective, and by all objective measures, my 2016 should go down as a world record sized shit sandwich. Between  the seemingly never ending challenges with my family, the late year financial crunch, the dumpster fire of an election, and the stress and anxiety that came with it...I should be swimming in the bottom of a bottle of booze. Yet here it is, December, 3 weeks left in this year, and I am absolutely stoked and grateful for every single thing that's happened this year. Yes, there have been challenging times, there are goals I didn't reach, and there are plenty of failures and flops that left me beaten and bruised. I'm still standing strong and, as I reflect on everything that's happened in the last 12 months, I realize I have made some kick ass progress.... I've learned a ton, experienced a bunch, and collected some incredible memories along the way. You see, folks, it's all about...
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Lessons From The Election – Get Skin In The Game

Lessons From The Election – Get Skin In The Game

Thankfully the shitshow that was the 2016 American Presidential Election has ended. While the results are unexpected and, to many, disappointing, many things have become clear. One major thing is that there is an entire generation that, while heavily invested in the outcome, weren't up to putting some skin in the game. Our society has reached a point where slacktivism has replaced actual activism, actual action, in effecting change in the world. Too many people are protesting without organizing, without being dedicated to the long term effort it takes to bring about change. Our society wants things to happen quickly.... 7 minute Abs, point/click/make a gagillion dollars...but lacks the discipline to put forth continuous effort day in and day out. As the old saying goes: [Tweet theme="tweet-box-normal-blue"]If it's important, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.[/Tweet] I heard too many excuses from people who wanted a certain outcome for the election but were 'too busy' to put their shoe leather to pavement. The...
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Hot Mess Express 027 – Be The Expert

Hot Mess Express 027 – Be The Expert

One of the most common pieces of advice I've given over the last few years is this. If you want to be the expert, then be the expert. I also say that the key to being the expert lies in your being confident. Back when I was in the Navy, my adviser gave me the best piece of advice I'd heard: [Tweet theme="tweet-box-shadow"]Answer confidently. Always. Even when you don't know the answer. #SecondLife[/Tweet] Confidence in yourself is the key to being seen as the expert. If you come across as unsure, indecisive, or easily swayed, your credibility will be damaged. When people don't see you as credible, they won't see you as an expert. The key to building your confidence is simple: [Tweet theme="tweet-box-normal-blue"]Decision + Action + Follow Through = Confidence[/Tweet] In order to get beyond the paralysis by analysis, begin making small decisions and then taking action. Decide what you want to eat and then eat it. Pick something out of the closet and wear it. For...
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026 – Where Have All The Boundaries Gone?

026 – Where Have All The Boundaries Gone?

In today's instant communication, social media driven world, it seems that boundaries have become a thing of the past. We've lost the ability to set personal boundaries for discerning what's for public consumption. People feel empowered to upload their thoughts and opinions on everything and even use social media to publicly shame others as a way to get attention. It seems like there's nothing that's off-limits anymore. That's why setting boundaries is so important. Setting boundaries allows you to share what you want to share with the world without getting caught off-guard doing or saying something stupid. They help prevent gossip by denying the drama queens in your life juicy tidbits to spread. Boundaries also allow you to build the life you want without fending off the slings and arrows of those who don't want to see you change. “if you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the...
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